It's been awhile since I have posted and I have a lot to say. I will put those thoughts on the blog later today.
For now, I have to share the predominant thought in my head this morning: stretch pants. For the past couple of months I have been wearing stretch pants because of the pain and swelling in my abdomen. They are not like 80s big sweater, spandex stretch pants...They are even worse than that. They are the kind of pants that probably sell well in Florida...I'm talking Golden Girls quality. So, I will be glad to retire them after I have healed from the surgery.
Unfortunately during recovery I will go through a muumuu phase. But no one will see those except for my husband and they will be retired as well.
Thank you for being a friend... :)
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Random Thoughts
Tomorrow I go back to the blood bank to try and give blood again for the surgery. I have eaten so many iron-rich foods and taken so many iron pills this week...hopefully my blood cell count is up. Wish me luck!
Other than that, nothing is going on....except that I have decided that I am READY!!! Anxiety and fear be damned!
I woke up in the middle of the night last night and started talking to my fibroids and calling them aliens. So...yeah...maybe I shouldn't have shared that. But the bottom line is that they are no longer welcome in the spaceship that is my uterus.
I am obviously tired...so I am out for now.
Other than that, nothing is going on....except that I have decided that I am READY!!! Anxiety and fear be damned!
I woke up in the middle of the night last night and started talking to my fibroids and calling them aliens. So...yeah...maybe I shouldn't have shared that. But the bottom line is that they are no longer welcome in the spaceship that is my uterus.
I am obviously tired...so I am out for now.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Children
I love children...I always have. When I was in college I spent my summers working as a Girl Scout camp counselor for mainly 4th-6th grade girls. I think that is when I realized how special kids are to me. They are blessings and we can all learn from them.
Back in my dating days (way back), a guy that I was seeing called me a "mother without children". I guess that my maternal instinct was obvious to him. But when he said that, it hurt a little bit because it is pretty much a true statement. I struggle with the idea of having children on a daily basis. Right now I can't have children because in addition to the multiple fibroids, my fallopian tubes are sealed/blocked. So, this surgery is only one step towards fertility. The doctor is going to look at the tubes when she does the myomectomy, but it is not certain what she will be able to do about them.
I have been pregnant before and subsequently had miscarriages because of the state of my uterus. Even after this surgery, between the surgery and my "advanced age" (37), any pregancy would be high risk. I would have to deliver early by c-section because of the risks to my uterus during labor. This fact alone is very daunting to me. There's a big part of me that doesn't want to go through that. Sometimes I want to tell the doctor that I have changed my mind and to just do a hysterectomy (which could happen anyway if there are complications during the myomectomy).
Obviously since I am going through with the myomectomy, my desire to have a child w/ my husband is stronger than my fears...and that really is all about my husband. I mean, we have talked about this a lot and he is happy with whatever happens. He has made it crystal clear that he is happy as long as he has me...that's it...that's all he needs. But I love him so much and it breaks my heart that my problems are keeping us from having a child.
Regardless of how this surgery goes, it will be nice to know what we can do and what path we should take. Whether it be trying for our own child, possibly adopting, or deciding to not have children, it will be ok. I am SO blessed to have wonderful children in my life including my half-sister Casey and my half-brother Cole as well as friend's children, etc. that I do not have a "void to fill" so to speak. I think that I just have a longing to have child of our own somehow. We will see what happens...
Back in my dating days (way back), a guy that I was seeing called me a "mother without children". I guess that my maternal instinct was obvious to him. But when he said that, it hurt a little bit because it is pretty much a true statement. I struggle with the idea of having children on a daily basis. Right now I can't have children because in addition to the multiple fibroids, my fallopian tubes are sealed/blocked. So, this surgery is only one step towards fertility. The doctor is going to look at the tubes when she does the myomectomy, but it is not certain what she will be able to do about them.
I have been pregnant before and subsequently had miscarriages because of the state of my uterus. Even after this surgery, between the surgery and my "advanced age" (37), any pregancy would be high risk. I would have to deliver early by c-section because of the risks to my uterus during labor. This fact alone is very daunting to me. There's a big part of me that doesn't want to go through that. Sometimes I want to tell the doctor that I have changed my mind and to just do a hysterectomy (which could happen anyway if there are complications during the myomectomy).
Obviously since I am going through with the myomectomy, my desire to have a child w/ my husband is stronger than my fears...and that really is all about my husband. I mean, we have talked about this a lot and he is happy with whatever happens. He has made it crystal clear that he is happy as long as he has me...that's it...that's all he needs. But I love him so much and it breaks my heart that my problems are keeping us from having a child.
Regardless of how this surgery goes, it will be nice to know what we can do and what path we should take. Whether it be trying for our own child, possibly adopting, or deciding to not have children, it will be ok. I am SO blessed to have wonderful children in my life including my half-sister Casey and my half-brother Cole as well as friend's children, etc. that I do not have a "void to fill" so to speak. I think that I just have a longing to have child of our own somehow. We will see what happens...
Thursday, January 8, 2009
There Will Be Blood???
This morning I went to the blood bank to do my autologous donation. Well guess what? I was denied the privilege of having a needle stuck in my arm because my red blood cell count was too low. What increases red blood cell count??? Iron. So this is really no surprise considering that I am crazy anemic.
Needless to say, I will be focusing on getting more iron in my diet between now and the surgery. I try to avoid beef because the hormones contribute to the growth of the fibroid tumors. I guess that I will go to Whole Foods and take a second mortgage out on my house to buy some hormone-free steak.
Next Thursday I will have one more chance to make the "cut" at the blood bank. Hmmmm....that gives me a new reality TV show idea...somebody call FOX! Anyway, since they will have to do a "2 in 1" appointment and take double the blood, they are going to hook me up to some monster machine that takes the red blood cells out and puts the plasma back in....kind of like a gift (to myself) that gives back I suppose?
Anyway, I am glad that this happened today rather than right before surgery. Now I know that every meal I eat between now and the 27th must have some iron in it. Sometimes it is a good thing when goals are set for me rather than by me! :)
Needless to say, I will be focusing on getting more iron in my diet between now and the surgery. I try to avoid beef because the hormones contribute to the growth of the fibroid tumors. I guess that I will go to Whole Foods and take a second mortgage out on my house to buy some hormone-free steak.
Next Thursday I will have one more chance to make the "cut" at the blood bank. Hmmmm....that gives me a new reality TV show idea...somebody call FOX! Anyway, since they will have to do a "2 in 1" appointment and take double the blood, they are going to hook me up to some monster machine that takes the red blood cells out and puts the plasma back in....kind of like a gift (to myself) that gives back I suppose?
Anyway, I am glad that this happened today rather than right before surgery. Now I know that every meal I eat between now and the 27th must have some iron in it. Sometimes it is a good thing when goals are set for me rather than by me! :)
Monday, January 5, 2009
There Will Be Blood
So today I finally made my two appointments to bank my own blood for the surgery. I have to go in this Thursday and next Thursday. They gave me a firm warning that if my iron is too low, I won't be able to donate to myself. Needless to say I am all over that daily iron pill now. The last time I checked, my iron saturation percent was 9...which is really low. So I should be taking it anyway. Just another thing to add to the list.
As I posted before, I am very scared about the surgery. But along with the fright comes a sense of relief. I have been feeling bad for a very long time. Also I will finally be able to get on track with some other things that I want to do...and I can honestly say that even though it will be painful, I am happy to have a "forced break"...toss the Blackberry/"work shackle" aside... Staying in bed for a few weeks will be nice. I will be able to watch all of the bad Lifetime movies I want!
Every dark cloud has a silver lining.
As I posted before, I am very scared about the surgery. But along with the fright comes a sense of relief. I have been feeling bad for a very long time. Also I will finally be able to get on track with some other things that I want to do...and I can honestly say that even though it will be painful, I am happy to have a "forced break"...toss the Blackberry/"work shackle" aside... Staying in bed for a few weeks will be nice. I will be able to watch all of the bad Lifetime movies I want!
Every dark cloud has a silver lining.
Welcome!
Let me introduce myself. My name is Tracy and I am 37 years old, married, no children (guess why). Anyway, I decided to start this blog for a couple of reasons. I am scheduled for my second myomectomy on January 27th, 2009. My first one was in 2002. At the time I was married to my first husband and we actually divorced shortly thereafter. So I never attempted to try and have children post-op because that would have been well...stupid. So now I am remarried and starting at square one. I have a multifibroid uterus that has been measuring as a 16-week pregnancy for some time now. I am in constant pain, anemic, a slave to what I eat, etc. If you know anything about this condition, you get the picture.
With this blog I hope to provide support for others going through the same thing. I am also hoping that by putting my feelings into words I can ease my anxiety because frankly I AM SCARED OUT OF MY MIND. Even though I have had the surgery before, it is still a big deal for me.
So the journey begins...a couple of notes about the blog:
1. I am sarcastic...it's just how I am.
2. I will not hold back saying anything even if it is graphic. (i.e. you will see the word uterus...many many times)
3. Your feedback is welcome and greatly appreciated.
That's about it for now. I will actually post later on tonight. Right now I am going to go try and eat something for dinner that will not make me expand like a hot air balloon.
With this blog I hope to provide support for others going through the same thing. I am also hoping that by putting my feelings into words I can ease my anxiety because frankly I AM SCARED OUT OF MY MIND. Even though I have had the surgery before, it is still a big deal for me.
So the journey begins...a couple of notes about the blog:
1. I am sarcastic...it's just how I am.
2. I will not hold back saying anything even if it is graphic. (i.e. you will see the word uterus...many many times)
3. Your feedback is welcome and greatly appreciated.
That's about it for now. I will actually post later on tonight. Right now I am going to go try and eat something for dinner that will not make me expand like a hot air balloon.
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